Thought #67

I haven’t blogged in such a long time. And so much has happened since I’ve last posted. In the past 8-9 months, I have learned and grown so much. In February, my engagement came to an end, and after being on and off with Dale for a while, the relationship came to a complete end. Though this was a difficult stretch in my life, I do not regret any of it because it taught me so much, and I don’t think I would have learned these lessons otherwise. So, in essence, I am thankful for it all because of the lessons it taught me and how it grew my character as well as who I am. Now that I am in another relationship, I see how 1. thankful I am to be in a much better relationship and 2. thankful that I learned all I did from the last relationship so I could see how much better this one is and see how all I learned from the last relationship is helping me in this one. So the past 8-9 months, I have learned more than ever the faithfulness and love of God as well as how thankful I am that He directs my life in His timing. I am looking forward to my future and all God has in store for me.

Thought #66

"Lord, I know You always ask me to surrender everything to You - including the dream in my heart. And even when that dream is from You, You still ask me to let go of my hold on it. So, I surrender every dream in my heart to You right now. I don't want to cling to something You will not bless, or give up on something that is Your will for my life."
~ Unknown

Thought #65

“And then the third night was after we broke up, which was worth a million matches but instead just took all I had. That night it felt that somehow by flicking them off the roof, the matches would burn down everything, the sparks from the tips of the flames torching the world and all the heartbroken people in it. Up in smoke I wanted everything, up in smoke I wanted you, although in a movie that wouldn’t work, even, too many effects, too showy for how tiny and bad I felt. Cut that fire from the film, no matter how much I watch it in dailies. But I want it anyway, Ed, I want what can’t possibly happen, and that is why we broke up.”
Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler

Thought #64

"Beauty From Pain"

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Tryin' to hold to what I can't see (to what I can't see)
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Thought #63

"The Hardest Thing" by Tyler Ward

A still framed photograph of you and me together
Is all I have of you and me anymore
We were so in love that we thought it'd last forever
But we were torn by the storms

And I won't forget you
I can't forget you
And the hardest thing I've done is have to live without you
And I wonder why we both walked away
I'm lost without you, still crazy for you
Just turn around, come back
Because your smile is overdue
And I miss you

If I'd only knew the words to say
That would make you turn around (turn around)
I would say those words to you more than a million times.

It's been forever but
that hasn't changed
what you mean to me.

Darling, can't you see?

That I won't forget you
I can't forget you
And the hardest thing I've done is have to live without you
And I wonder why we both walked away
I'm lost without you, still crazy for you
Just turn around, come back
because your smile is overdue
And I miss you

I'm sorry for all I did,
what I said and things I hid
I'm finally over me
Is that too late for you?
I can't imagine where I'd be
If you had never rescued me
You showed me what it is and now I see

I won't forget you
I can't forget you
And the hardest thing I've done is have to live without you
And I wonder why we both walked away
I'm lost without you, still crazy for you
Just turn around, come back
because your smile is overdue
And I miss you

Thought #62

"She couldn't take one more day
Home was more her prison now
Independence called out
She had to get it

A fight was all she needed
To give her reason
She slammed the door with no goodbye
And knew that it was time

Now she's driving too fast
She didn't care to glance behind
And through her tears she laughed
It's time to kiss the past goodbye

I'm finally on my own
Don't try to tell me no
There's so much more for me
Just watch what I will be

She walked away
Couldn't say why she was leaving
She walked away
She left all she had believed in
She walked away

Not a day goes by
For the one she's left behind
They're always asking why
And thoughts of her consume their mind

God please let her know
The love we tried to show
We'd promise anything
If you'd just bring her home

She walked away
Couldn't say why she was leaving
She walked away
She left all she had believed in
She walked away

Tell her we love her
And tell her she's wanted
One more thing God
Tell her please come home
Please come home

She walked away
Couldn't say why she was leaving
She walked away
She left all she had believed in
She walked away
Couldn't say why she was leaving
She walked away
She left all she had believed in..."

Thought #61

"A Girl You Should Date"

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality, but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

– Rosemarie Urquico

Thought #60

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
~ C.S. Lewis

Thought #59

2012 New Years Resolution:

"When things in your life are all out of sorts, focus on those that aren't."